The Bloodiest Rose
by Ryou Marik
Summary: Is there anything left for me here? Is there only pain and suffering...
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: Don't own.. don't ask. Greh, can't say that enough… 

**--**

Roses. They were always seen as the most beautiful flowers.. the ones you would give to your lovers. The graceful flower… so precious to millions of people. But on the reverse side, the rose could be a symbol of death. A blessing for those departed from this world.

Ryou sighed.

He kept walking towards his home. Would anyone leave a rose on his grave if he were to die? He doubted it severely. No one would care at all would they? They would just go on with their little lives…wondering who seemed to be missing but not really caring.. just curious. The boy's locks of white hair were pulled back by a small blue band.. just enough so he could see clearly. His brown eyes that were usually so caring and bright were fogged over. In his mind, he was thinking.. rather hard. He was still uncertain with his decision. What was he going to do? Would he…. Shaking his head harshly, Ryou kept on walking. He should rather think about it at home.

The sky darkened a bit as he wandered the streets. His blue shirt was buttoned carelessly.. and his beige pants were rolled up a bit at the ends to prevent them from sliding on the floor. Glancing upwards he saw a few clouds floating lazily and a blue bird flying. The bird would drop low to the ground, nearly touching the top of peoples head, then it would soar high about them, nearly touching the heavens. Ryou stopped momentarily to watch. For some reason he had always loved birds.. when he was a child, he wanted to be a bird. It was always a fantasy of his, being able to fly over the heavens… But with age comes reason, and so his fantasy died. Along with his mother and sister.

A few minutes later, Ryou found himself wandering into his own house. It was quiet when he stepped in, a signal that his other half was out somewhere. The boy sighed, somewhat disappointed he didn't have the yami around… he had grown accustomed to the constant beatings and blood… and somewhat even grew to like some of them. Hey, it meant that someone was paying attention to him. Even if it was only to hurt him.

Taking a few strides over to the couch near him, Ryou plopped onto the open cushions with a thud. It was already beginning to transfer into evening and he still wasn't hungry. He hadn't eaten in about two days… but he told everyone he had eaten, just so they wouldn't worry. Like they would. The TV seemed so alien.. he turned his back to it and rested on his side. Until his yami came home, this would be a nice place to rest. Just until.

If only, if only… the woodpecker sings….if only the wind blows… the way in my dreams… 

Ryou didn't know why he thought of that little rhyme. He shrugged it off and allowed himself some sleep. He would be needing it if he was going to be put through hell once more that night.

_Could I? I don't know… Should I? I don't know. I need to think about it some more… just another week. A week won't matter, will it? I'll be fine… not a care….fine… _And with those final words, Ryou fell into his sleep.


	2. New Wounds

A/N: Chapter Two is up. Glad I actually continued this one.. oy, well I don't own Yu-gi-Oh.. so don't get all angry. Anyways, here's the second chapter ya bloodthirsty scavengers.

"Get Up!"

Ryou tried his best to stand. Blood poured out of his newest cuts and wounds…his arms were now lined with bruises. Bakura (his other half) laughed as he watched his little light struggling to stand on his two feet. Just as Ryou managed to, Bakura kicked in his kneecap, causing the boy to topple over in pain. As much as me wanted to, Ryou didn't cry. He only grit his teeth together and took it all in. Like a sponge.

"You're so weak and pathetic." And with that string of words, Bakura gave another kick to the stomach. Bakura looked at Ryou, over and over, and nodded. He'd finish up the rest tomorrow. Unusual that he finished so early, but then again he was tired and such so he felt it better to leave off. Turning on his heel, the yami left his light bleeding on the floor, to tend his wounds and what not.

Ryou watched as he left. After a few minutes when he was sure he was gone, the fragile boy picked himself up slowly. Blood was dripped everywhere he could see…but he'd clean that later. Managing to crawl, Ryou made his way to the kitchen to fetch some bandages and peroxide and maybe even iodine. Retrieving the materials, he then began the long painful process of bonding himself up once more. _ It's useless really. Tomorrow they're just going to come off again.. And I'll lose the blood I regain tonight. _He chuckled somewhat and winced as he first applied the stinging formula. _Here we go…_ A few minutes later , Ryou was healed enough to begin standing and walking. He put away the little things and stood carefully so as not to reopen any wounds. Holding his side he made way to the couch again… he'd go up to his room when he felt like it. For now he had to recuperate the lost energy.. the energy needed to do tasks. Like to get up and walk for instance.

Looking up at the ceiling was all he could do. He sighed slowly and closed his almond brown eyes contented. He was happy Bakura had beaten him…. _Should I? I don't know… what will I do when the time comes? _ Ryou shoved the thought out of his little mind. For now he would rest. That thought would be hovering around him for a while yet, and he had plenty of time to think on it.

About an Hour later, Ryou woke up from his "nap". He was alarmed at first, but then calmed when he remembered where he was and such… Picking himself up, the youth stood and began his journey to his bed to sleep. It was already late in the evening, and time for him to sleep. Some more. Limping seemed inevitable, so limp he did up the stair and round the corner. His room was the one at the end of the hall… the hall always seemed so easy to pass through, but today (or rather night) it was a million miles. Eventually after much struggle he made it to the door of his room and opened it, throwing his body in and slamming the door. Once safely inside the confiens of his room, Ryou lay on the floor like an injured bird….he smiled a bit. The carpet felt good…feeling groggy, he closed his beautiful orbs and fell into a sleep once more.

Waking in the middle of the night wasn't something he usually did. But tonight he did. That damned thought was still on his mind. He couldn't swat it away like a meaningless fly.. even though he wanted to. Growling he rolled over on his back (though it hurt) and began to think.

_What will I do…maybe I should just….or will anyone care? I doubt it highly, but still.. there's that one chance…. _Ryou sighed and buckled down. This was going to be a long night of thought.


	3. Fear

A/N: Here's Chapter three. I don't even know if this qualifies as angst. Anyways, you people are probably thinking, What the hell is Ryou asking himself! Well, I thought I might as well tell you in this chapter. Ya that's right. Be gratefl I'm telling you now, and not in some other chapter. Anyways, let me commence with Chapter Three..

The boy slept soundly. He lay on the floor of his room, snoring lightly. The sunlight filtered through his curtains. It was already morning for him, but he was due to sleep for another hour or two.

Outside in the hallway, Bakura leaned against the wall. " Should I bother him now or later?" He laughed his evil little laugh and grinned. But just as he was about to reach over and open the door, he felt an immense warning. Stopping for a minute, he cocked an eyebrow. That was odd.. Ryou couldn't have done that- the boy was hardly able to stand after just one blow to the stomach. But strangely there it was, a sort of barrier causing Bakura to step away a bit. He growled under his breath and turned his back. "I'll do this later." With that the darker half walked away, clambering down the stairs.**** Meanwhile, Ryou was soundly asleep.. .completely unaware of the danger that was so close to hurting him. He shifted a little bit, but that was all.

About an hour later, Ryou finally stirred. He opened his eyes delicately and looked around his room. It was illuminated by the sun's rays…he didn't like the sudden bright lights.. but he would have to make due with them. Forcing himself up, he hobbled over to his writing desk, where he rested for a few. After resting, Ryou opened his door and stepped outside. Since he had some energy at least he could stand and walk without limping, thank heavens. If Bakura had seen him limping, he probably would have hit him again. He decided to get a small portion of food.. at least enough to get him awake. Once at the bottom of the stairs, he peeked around the corner to make sure HE wasn't there.. seeing no one he continued down. Ryou stepped into the nice kitchen, stained a bit with some of the blood he bled. He ignored this and proceeded to open a pantry and pull out a bar of chocolate. _ Ryou, you still need to decide what you are going to do… I know I know, but it can wait til later. _ He sighed and tore open the wrapper, beginning to devour it. This would last him a day.

He wondered where Bakura went.. and if he was alright. Sighing only momentarily, he shrugged and finished his bar. He cared, of course.. just not that much. _…I still need to come to a conclusion. ..I have no idea what I'm going to do. I'll think on it later. _ Ryou nodded, pleased with his decision. He'll think later, not now, later.

Then a thought occurred to him.

Was it that he was afraid to confront this question in his mind? Or was he just avoiding it because he wanted to? Ryou shook his head. He wasn't afraid. _ Then why do you keep putting it off like that? You have a grand opportunity to think on it now… or are you just afraid of your own answer. _ Ryou stopped to ponder that for a moment. Was he afraid? Was that why he kept delaying it? _ Maybe I am.. afraid. _That very thought shook through him… and he stopped for a brief moment in time to ponder again. He had come to terms that he was afraid. Now to actually do the thinking about this question on his mind.

Ryou sighed. He didn't want to think about it at all. Why had he even come up with such a thing? Because that's how he felt. The boy glanced all around the room and nodded his head. It was time. Time to get serious about this.. not continue playing games with himself.


	4. Thoughts

A/N: Yea.. I'm sorry. I know I said I'd um tell you in the last chapter but.. yea. I forgot. So in this one I promise! Also, notice how Ryou hasn't spoken a word at all? That'll change soon...I think. Eh, well yea here's some more for you little scavengers.

_**Don't Own. Sadly.**_

Ryou was now positioned on the couch. He sat upright with his back straight.

Here we go… 

Suicide.

Ryou Bakura… was considering suicide. He had no other options anymore. His friends never paid any mind to him… he was beaten every night and not allowed to cry… his father never cared and his mother and sister were dead. He felt hollow inside. And he knew, deep down, that everyone hated him. Now, it's not so surprising that he would consider such a ghastly thing now is it?

His beautiful brown coffee colored orbs turned into a dead dull brown color. This signaled he felt sad. Laying himself down on the couch, Ryou closed his eyes and fell asleep. As he fell asleep, he entered his soul room.

The room was not very beautiful. Instead it was dark and gloomy place, with things scattered everywhere. Toys from Amane his sister… pictures of special occasions lying on the floor. He had once assembled them all into albums, but Bakura came in and wrecked everything. So now he didn't bother. A desk was placed in the corner of the room, with a solitary lamp on it and a candle. Underneath this lamp was a black leather journal; a diary if you will. An ink pen lay next to it with a bottle of black Indian ink in the far corner of the desk. He often wrote in this journal… His moderate sized bed was placed against the East wall.. it had beautiful black sheets as well as a nice comfy black comforter… the pillow was a deep blood red. He rather liked the bed… It stood on a solid oak frame.. a dark oak wood. He liked the room a lot. On the nightstand next to his bed(also a dark oak) there stood a red vase. And in it were two roses. One was a beautiful white, the other was a night black. Ryou liked to think those two roses represented him and his other half. He was the pure snow white and Bakura was the dead Black. Ah, but upon further inspection.. you would see that the white rose was beginning to wither.

Ryou sat upon the floor of his little bedroom. He just sat and began contemplating. _If I died would anyone care? No they wouldn't. Dad would probably think ," Oh another is gone. Good I never liked him anyway." Yugi and the others would be happy to be rid of me as well.. it's not like they ever cared. They just had to talk to me.. I was always a back up or something. And.. Bakura. Why he would be overjoyed that I was dead. He'd probably go, " So the little runt was weak enough he thought to kill himself? Well good riddance! It's about time." Of course Bakura would never say good riddance….would he? _

_I never cared for any of them. At one point yes I did… but not now. They don't care for me , I don't care for them. Hm. I wonder if anyone would come to my funeral? Probably just the priest and a few random people I never heard of. Maybe the others will be pressured into coming to my funeral. Afterall, they would want to see me and make sure I was dead, right? They probably wouldn't want to have a party celebrating my death and all of a sudden hear news I was alive._

_So.. what do I do? I want to be free of this pain.. this eternal pain I am suffering. I want to just let go of life and be sent wherever Kami-sama wants me. Do I die and release myself.. or do I live and continue on hoping for the best? I have no clue. Maybe I should just lay down and die. That would certainly be grand now wouldn't it? I would be laying down, dead. People would be dancing on my grave huh? No, I doubt it ._

_So I have decided?_

_No I don't think so. Truth is.. I'm sort of afraid to die. Well, not really.. just afraid.. of something. I want to do this yet I do not. Oh what do I do? Do I let go or do I go on hanging on, hoping for a brighter tomorrow_? He was wracked with worry and fear and sorrow. This was pressing into his heart and it hurt him. A lot. More than all those stinging cuts inflicted by Bakura and himself_. I'll..I'll…_

_I know!_

_I just wait a day or two. If someone can see I am in need of assistance.. then I'll not kill myself. If no one …cares then I'll do it. _

_Then it's agreed. _

As Ryou stood up and headed for the door of his sanctuary, he paused a bit and thought. Deep down, he hoped someone would see his pain.. would see into his eyes and see the true him. To stop him from killing himself. Shaking this feeling off Ryou headed for the door, pulled it open , and stepped outside. As he left, the white rose in the vase dropped one white petal weakly.


	5. Note

A/N: Greh, I'm sorry for all the misspellings. I don't have any clue why I didn't catch them before, but what's done is done. Oy, well anyways, I thought I should go on with chapter five. Have fun, enjoy, and smile. Eh, well here ya go.

_**- - - - **_

Once he woke up from his slumber, Ryou looked around to make sure Bakura wasn't nearby. Seeing as he wasn't, he decided to go up to his room and begin writing something he should've a long time ago. A suicide note. Getting up and moving seemed easier now to do, and so pretty soon he was at the door of his room. Grasping the doorknob and twisting, Ryou stepped into his little haven and made way to the desk near him. The door was kicked shut and locked (seeing as Ryou remembered that he did have a pretty intrusive Yami.). The boy pulled out a spiral notebook that was hidden in his drawer and took a seat in the chair positioned at the desk. A pen was found nearby, hiding in some little pile of papers.

A note…What would be appropriate? 'Yes well I guess you already figured out I'm dead.' No.. but that would be funny. Hm…. ' Sad to see I'm dead? Well didn't think so.' No. Hmmm..

He tapped the pen against the exposed paper of the notebook. This was harder than he had expected. He seemed to be having writer's block, and he hadn't even started writing a word!

Dearest Friends ? No.. They weren't dear to me. Were they? No.. I do not think.. Anyway I'm straying off subject… What should I write… A will would be appropriate as well, but I don't have anything to give. Should I write…' I'll miss you all dearly' or make them feel guilty and write

' You could've stopped this!' No…though I do like the second one. Maybe I should make them feel bad. After all, they could stop this entire charade. …

And so Ryou wrote in the first words.

To whom it may concern:

If you are reading this letter, then I am dead. 

He liked the sound of it so far. It was pleasant, despite the letters real purpose. Ryou smiled (something he rarely did now a days.) and began to think once more. So far so good. Now, what should be written next… an explanation. Or something to make them cry? The boy frowned and closed his eyes to try to get the words to come to him by magic.. But it wasn't working.

To whom it may concern:

If you are reading this letter, then I am dead. Do not pretend you are saddened because I know you aren't. 

Good start. For now at least. Ryou blinked and put the tip of the pen to the paper again to continue on writing his little note. It wasn't as hard as it was in the beginning, but still pretty difficult none the less. The boy pushed his pen on.

In case you are wondering.. no it was no accident. I killed myself. 

Ryou could plainly see in his mind's eye Yugi reading the note and crying. He was such a crybaby at times … Shrugging his shoulders, he decided that he wouldn't deal with it.

I didn't want to continue on with this life any longer. It hurt too much. Every day was like a death sentence… I guess my time was up. 

He smiled at the thought. Did that even make any sense? Well it wouldn't matter anyways. Ryou let out a little sigh and began to think. Why couldn't he just finish such a simple letter? Because you are afraid of doing so. I'm not going to kill myself yet, so why don't I just let this wait for another day? I'm sure more will come when the time is right. Time then, I'll wait.

Ryou nodded. He closed the notebook and shoved it back in its hiding place. Standing, the boy walked over to the door of his haven and gave a backwards glance at the notebook. Dismissing his thoughts, he continued on towards the bathroom… he needed to wash off any remaining blood. Plus, he hadn't bathed in two days and that was getting to him. Ryou smiled inwardly. Amazing how he could think about a little thing like bathing right after he just started on a suicide note.

- - - - -

A/N: Don't you just love me? people: No. Eh fine whatever. I'm happy people actually like my little stories. Yes, I'm aware Ryou still hasn't spoken but I hope I change that soon. I'd love to hear from you… I need some help figuring out what to do next. So any help would be greatly appreciated. Til next we meet! – Ryou Marik.


	6. Smile

A/N: I'm sorry kiddos. I got lost in some thing else and I have a lot to do right now, But I'll try my best to update as soon as I can. I'm just so overwhelmed right now it's not even funny. Well... um, I'm more than likely really sorry about the chapter's extremely short length... but make due. Well, here.

---

Ryou smiled. He always tried his best to smile. Despite everything that would happen, always across his lips would bound out a smile. He always hated that aspect of his being.

People would say, "Wow, that's crazy you can recover so quickly!" And always he would smile once again and nod. But inside himself he hated that. He wanted to grieve, stay sad longer. But somehow he wouldn't allow himself. Even after their death's he would just jump right up and go on. But... alas, he finally could not do this anymore. And in some sick way, he was happy.

In everyone's eyes, Ryou was the cheeriest one. He was always there… either to help, or to listen. So, basically a pushover. Well, afterwards... they'll think differently. And they'll actually realize he's a person... not a thing to be used and discarded. But he doubted so.

Death is a grim thing, that much cannot be denied. There are the people who think, "It's such a ghastly thing! Never speak of it again!" …acting like it'll never happen to them. Then there were the people like Ryou. The people who thought of death as regularity... the people who liked it. Hm. Maybe that's what makes him so …angsty. So weird. But he always lived by what his mother told him when he was young… "People can't accept what they can't understand…" How true those words were … back then he didn't understand, but now they came in clear as a bell.

_Be happy Do what makes you happy. Being happy is grand. Friendship is everything! We have to do anything for our friends! _Sometimes Ryou felt like slapping that damned Anzu.

Every so often Ryou felt a pain in his heart... One that hurt like hell. He went to doctors to try to figure out the anomaly... but alas none could. He was just diagnosed incurable and given pain relievers. These pains would come once in a while though... so it wasn't that big a deal. But when they came... they hurt. And sometimes... occasionally... Ryou wished these pains would take him out of this world... for good.

But it never happened and so he was still in this world. This pain filled world. Still breathing, still pretending.

Pretending…

He seemed to do that a lot now. He only did it because he felt that would make the world a happier place… and to make sure no one bothered him. He hated when people did that … when they pretended to care about his well being. He told himself he would rather be left alone. He tried CONVINCING himself he'd be better off alone and unattended to. But deep in his heart… he screamed for attention. He wanted help. He needed help.

But he would deny it. And keep smiling.


	7. Cuts

A/N: Oy vay.. I found time to do this. I'm happy BR got this far… I didn't expect it to.. Especially since it was a spur of the moment idea. So, well.. let's see.. I know I wanted to say something… Hm.. Oh yea, thanks to all my reviewers and such, you really get me motivated and ..er.. such. I really need motivation right now. I've heard a lot of encouragement, so I'll keep going. Great ideas people, keep ushering them in. Oh yea, If you have MSN Mess. I'd be happy to talk to you online! That sounds so pathetic. Anyways, Thanks and such… I'll come out with other things to say later, I know it.

----

Ryou sighed. He lay in his bed as the ceiling fan overhead whirled round and round. The day was still young and he had found nothing to do besides lay there, waiting until Bakura came home. Til then, Ryou was alone in his house, a danger to himself. Bored and angsty.

To the right of him, in the desk drawer of his nightstand… there was a knife. A perfectly sharpened knife.

Carefully picking himself up, the youth leaned on a shoulder/elbow staring. He wanted to. But would he allow himself to? It looked so appealing at this very moment. So taunting… Finally after about 10 minutes of contemplating, he sat perfectly up and reached over to the drawer, opening the lock on it and sliding it out. His eyes rested on what he sought. A perfect escape.

Picking it up in his outstretched hand, the boy brought it back to his body rather.. eagerly. He sat a bit hunched now, holding the precious knife in his arms. It was a sleek silver.. no bigger than the size of your palm, even with the blade out. The blade was the best feature though… he had spent many hours sharpening that knife to perfection. Of course, he had used it sometimes… the proof was all over his body. Scars were scattered on him like seeds on the air, and it was a miracle no one noticed. Now, he hadn't committed this act in so long.. maybe running on two weeks now. And he felt like he HAD to. Already this had become an addiction for him, a deadly one.

Since he still wore his pajamas, it was easier to do this. ( Pajamas: Red checkered/plaid bottoms long and a black tee shirt a bit big.) His hair was loose now, and clouding his eyes.. those almost dead brown eyes. Flicking the blade out and in for the first few minutes always calmed him a bit down.. and when it came down to it.. to do the "deed" as he loved calling it, he simply kept the perfect blade out and rolled up his left sleeve revealing the tender skin of his shoulder. Ryou pressed the tip to his skin (top of shoulder) and dug it in. Wincing was inevitable. Then after regaining himself, he dragged the knife downwards, up until he reached the point where his shirt sleeves ended. Then he repeated the same process three more times.. except on the fourth one, he tore in too deep, and caused himself to hit a nerve, which sent the knife across the room and his hand to his shoulder. Ryou rocked back and forth to calm himself, and felt as the blood poured into and over his hand. But he cupped the cuts protectively. Instinctively.

Another few minutes passed of him yelling and wincing.. and like nothing he shrugged it off. Picking up some cleansing tools and materials from under his bed, Ryou managed to bandage himself and cleaning up the mess he made.. Making his way across the room to retrieve his knife, the tears throbbed. When he did pick up the knife.. he stared at the blood dripping off of it. It was his life essence… blinking the boy cleansed the blade too and hid it once more for another day.

Once more returning to his bed, Ryou gently lay down once again. The cuts would blend in with all the other ones Bakura had inflicted, so he wouldn't notice. He hated how that was the only escape of pain he could manage… but it was his saving grace. It told him he was alive…human. And so he would continue down this pain infused path… until someone would catch him before he fell…

Inside Ryou's soul room, the white rose withered a bit more. A petal threatened to fall, but didn't. Meanwhile the black rose seemed to grow more and more vibrant as if it were feeding off it's 'brother'.

-

A/N: How you like? Review. I think most of my success from writing Angst is because I've actually experienced the things I write about. Like Ryou in the last chapter was me a few months ago. It's like I make him have the same mind set as I. And so it's easier. Hm, well remember my offer about the msnm thing, and email me your addresses or add them into the reviews. I always love to talk… Yea… I have no life outside of writing so you'd be doing me a favor. Heh, well, Til next we meet..

-Ryou Marik


	8. Insanity?

A/N: Here's the eight chapter. Wow, I made it this far.. with followers? Awesome man.. Anyways, still now clue as to what I'm going to do about Ryou… Yea, don't worry I'll figure it all out. Somehow. Anyways, I best get on with the next chapter so people will be happy. And not so threatening. Yea… I know who you are. Anyways, here you go ya scavengers.

----

The wounds were still freshly in pain. Ryou tried his best to ignore what he knew he could not… His head hurt and he wanted some aspirin… but he knew damn well he could not get it because Bakura was downstairs.. doing something. And he'd rather not stumble in the way and get beaten too early. Still in his pajamas… he felt damned comfortable.

It was still afternoon… he hated how sometimes days would go too slow. Or too fast.

Ceiling fan still twirled… somewhere on his night stand the digital clock clicked to another hour. _Amazing. I can spend the entire day... just wasting my life away. Well… It'll be wasted soon enough. _At the back of his mind, he could hear an innocent voice screaming something. He hardly recognized it as his own… He knew he wanted to be saved, but he didn't want to admit it.

_Dead. Death. Dying. They all have their advantages…right? Yea, they do. I'm sure of it. But then again I'll be dead before I know what they are. Yea. Hm… Why hasn't anyone stopped by…Maybe tomorrow I'll go out and meet them. Then again, I'll just be scooted off to the corner. To be ignored and used. _

He could hear Bakura making his way up the steps. Ryou shivered. It was already time.

---

A few minutes later, Ryou lay in the middle of his room, trying his best not to whimper or emit any noise. The hikari's darkness stood above him, laughing his maniacal laugh. "Beaten down? So soon? You really are pathetic…" And as soon as he said that, he kneeled down and picked up the light's head by the chin…He forced him to look at Bakura…Ryou tried his best to be strong and not show his fear. The two were face to face, nose to nose… so close...

**Bakura always loved teasing his light. It brought such great joy to see him trying so hard to hide his fear… when in reality he could see right through the thin veil. He held Ryou's chin with one hand and stroked his soft cheek with the other. Then he moved his hand to the top of his head, where he tonsoled Ryou's hair. The boy began to shudder only slightly… as he said he loved to tease the light. "Oh.. my little light, are you scared?" Bakura grinned and continued on. He could feel Ryou's muffled anguish…his excitement. And he loved to mess with him…play mind games with the little boy.**

Ryou tried his best not to let a yelp escape from his lips. Of course, it was really hard. The boy stared at Bakura, not daring to tear his eyes away. If he did, he may just as well lose them… In reality, Ryou never minded Bakura's constant teasings… He really rather enjoyed when he did it. Did that make him some sort of freak? The little light shuddered more abruptly and violently this time.. and it seemed to make the darkness laugh. Almost as soon as it began… it ended. It ended with the back of Bakura's hand coming across Ryou's innocent face. The youth yelped and hit the floor… feeling his face stinging. As he laid sprawled across the floor of the hallway (Bakura had dragged him out), he watched the dark one cackle and turn on his heel… leaving him alone. In his mind, he called out for him to come back. But he knew he couldn't hear. And so he stayed still… feeling some bruises forming. Miraculously he hadn't any new cuts.

Carefully picking himself up, he crawled over to the wall closest to him so he could lean on it… Once situated in a correct spot with his back to the wall, Ryou sat there… contemplating. His head tilted upwards, he could feel the trickle of blood coming from his mouth.. and he laughed. There was the blood. His white bangs covered his eyes as he thought…

_Bakura…why do you do this to me…you know what it does…you know damn well how it feels. And yet you persist, torturing me nonstop. You know not to torture me everyday because I would get tired of it.. no instead you wait patiently between sessions. That makes me crazy, and you know it. Damned it! You know me all to well Dark. _

Ryou shuddered remembering past sessions. He felt surges of an alien feeling deep within him… one that had made itself at home a few months ago. He never felt it.. unless he was with Bakura. And that was maximized when Bakura beat him.

The innocent teenager shivered. Was he a freak?

For some odd reason… Ryou heard the song "I Hate Everything about You" playing in the back of his contorted mind. That seemed to fit right now. But he wasn't sure about the "love" part of the verse.

_I hate…everything about you…. Why DO I LOVE YOU!_

He repeated the song lyrics over and over again. Then he thought for a minute. Did.. he…love….. Ryou blinked. He wasn't sure of anything anymore and so he wasn't sure of this. He would hate to think so though.. but then that alien feeling…

Ever since he first conjured up the thought of Suicide, strange things had been happening. Strange, bizarre things he could not possibly hope to explain. Was this one of them? Quite possibly. Ryou trembled at the mere thought. But somewhere in the back of his twisted heart/soul.. he knew damn well it could be true.

He might love his darkness. The very being that caused him pain damn near every night. The thing that sent away all his friends.. the thing that seemed to have alienated him. The thing that CHANGED him. But why was Ryou calling it a thing? He had a name. And that name was Bakura… The evil thief king Bakura.

Blood fell from his cheeks and dripped onto his person. From a view point, it might have looked as though he was crying out tears of blood. He could now feel all the scars on his body throbbing...pulsing with a new vibrant energy. It hurt a lot to suffer this new awakening… but none the less, Ryou began laughing. Despite his pain he laughed. He laughed until it filled the entire house with its ringing. Blood now dripped from lips and to the floor…and he laughed. He couldn't stop himself.

_My my… Ryou… Have you gone insane? I think you have. You've snapped. No.. no you haven't. Not yet. Hopefully._

_Sing me something soft… sad and delicate… or loud and out of key.. Sing me anything… Sing how you think, No one's listening… you would kill for this, just a little bit.. you would kill for this…just a little bit…_**No One's Listening**_…_


	9. NightScares

A/N: Here's your chapter um nine...you dirty scavengers! Bwahaha! Aye ! Well um thanks again for all the magnificent reviews dudes and dudettes. Hm…well let's see. Thanks once more and I'll try my best to update more okay? Well here you go my pretties. Yess….

---

Ryou sighed. It was already in the dead of night. And that really sucked, especially when you were bleeding and hurt. But then again the cold of the darkness seemed to calm and quiet his fears…and wounds so it was all evened out. That was good…right? Ah, that'll be enough…Hopefully.

The sky outside his window seemed to stay still like it was dead or something. Usually at this hour party goers were crawling all over the place, as well as those little pretend vampires. Somewhere out there, Bakura was attacking some innocent little guy again. And that was seriously …funny in a demented kind of way. Anyways, Ryou still lay in bed, hurt and alone, listening to the ringing of an empty house. Wondering what it would be like…if only his dreams would come true. Then again, he wouldn't want most of his dreams to come true..and really, he didn't like the dark as much as he let on…. It kind of scared him. In the shadows anything could be waiting for him, like Bakura for instance. Ryou shuddered a bit at the mere mention of the name once more and shrugged it off. The ceiling fan above him whirled like usual. It was almost always on… he liked the sound of it. He'd prefer that over the quiet. Really he'd prefer anything.

Shivering, Ryou turned on his side and growled, then on his back. He couldn't find a comfortable place. Finally he grumbled and sat up, reaching out his left hand for the light switch for his nightstand lamp. Finding it after a minute of groping around, he switched it on and looked around the room. He was safe for now, Bakura would not be home for a while yet. And well…frankly it was boring at his home. He looked all around the room as if in search of something and found …nothing. Nothing at all. Sighing the boy stared up at the ceiling. It was plain. Nothing Special. But.. a few drips and drops of blood. Somehow making their way to the ceiling; he didn't understand HOW but…then again everything seemed to not make sense. Not after his little thoughts a while back._ I wonder why I don't own a radio like everyone else… tomorrow or whatever I must go out and buy one.. or something. I need one. It's getting boring just listening to screams and sirens. _

Indeed.

Glancing all around once more, Ryou opted for the bed to see if he could sleep. Turning off the light after just five minutes, he lay back again and thought about sleep. He willed it to come. But it didn't. Ah, but after a while of contemplating his own existence and replaying all of Anzu's friendship speeches in his head, he eventually fell into a deep slumber.

-- Dream --

Ryou felt weightless. He somehow felt like he was floating….knowing this was impossible, he tried opening his eyes…but when he did, he couldn't tell if they were open or not. He would strain his eyes to see…but he didn't know the difference between the inside of his eyelids and the darkness that apparently surrounded him. The youth felt cold though.. like he was somehow in Antarctica...yet, as cold as he was, he didn't feel freezing cold. Just regular cold… Trying to move also seemed like a burden. He couldn't. Like…all the muscles in his body just didn't want to work. They wouldn't reply to any of the nerve signals in him…nor the brain impulses. Growling, Ryou began to grow tired of this feeling. He wanted to wake up. So he willed it to himself…yet he couldn't. Again. Then he felt a knife, a sharp dagger being pulled across his skin oh so slowly. He wanted to scream, but he couldn't at all…His voice was gone. The dagger slid along his skin tearing it open…and he could feel the blood pumping onto his exposed flesh. He could feel it dripping off him like so much sweat.

And that feeling wasn't the best.

The dagger went all along him, just ripping open his flesh as it went. It traveled from his left shoulder down to his pelvis, then to the top of his right shoulder blade and into the regions of his neck. His once strong will to wake up had grown to a little tinging…he felt drained and weak. As if someone had taken from him his own life force. It was possible though. He wanted to just sleep and recuperate. But he felt like he could not allow himself. The knife in him stayed there…lodged into his neck. He could not would not make a move to dislodge it. Why…because he couldn't move!

_Wake me up…please…..I feel as though I may very well _**die** _if I don't…_

Then he could hear Bakura's chilling laugh. And that voice of his. "My little white rose…are you feeling weak….tired….Well my little light, wake from your slumber. Wake up…it's already time to wake up. Come on now…I'm waiting for you little light."

Ryou felt compelled to follow the orders given to him.

His eyelids lifted slowly and revealed his doe brown eyes. His innocent…lifeless eyes. Infront of him stood the nightstand with the notebook that held his suicide note. He still needed to finish. He closed his lids then reopened them, now seeing his white rose and black rose...the ones he had in his soul room. The white one seemed to be dying a slow death..and the black one seemed to be strong. Ryou didn't understand a bit.

Ryou wanted answers. And to feel as if he wasn't being killed.

He NEEDED to feel as if he was alright once more. But he could not wish for that. Could not hope for it. No peace….

No Fate..No death.

And then he woke up.


	10. Going out

A/N: Well let's see. Chapter Ten…wow I feel so accomplished. I hope to get Ryou talking soon…he hasn't yet. If you haven't noticed yet. Yeea. Anyways, it's time to think of new ideas. Like what to do next? I've come up for an ending… and I shall keep it to myself. Haha! Thanks for all the glorious reviews. And I hope to be getting more. Heh, anyways, I'm getting bored. Maybe I should start it soon, and well I bet you want me too. I'm thankful for getting over the 500 mark. Let's get it to 1000! Anyways, here you are. Enjoy.

(I'm in a hurricane as I write this so….)

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The alarm rang. It was time to get up.

Ryou growled as he pushed the clock away and off the edge of the nightstand it stood on. He woke up completely when he heard the Cracking noise of its frame being split open.

_Well.. need a new one of those…_

His hair was abit tangled. Sleepily, he ran a hand through his white locks and managed to get his hand snagged. He yelped and tenderly pulled it out. _Grrr…_ His eyes twitched. Grr indeed. Rising from the confines of his bed, Ryou proceeded to go about his daily chores, within the next 10 minutes. After that, he shivered as he stood bored as hell. He wanted to go out and go somewhere…but his friends? He walked towards his wall phone and dialed Yugi's number…but just before he pressed "Talk" it rang by itself. Jumping a bit, he answered. It was Yugi…..Was he psychic…?

"Hey Ryou! Wanna go somewhere?"….Ryou smiled a bit and replied with his answer. Yes...He would go somewhere……. Yugi laughed and told him they'd be at the Domino Café, to be there in ten minutes. Then they hung up, and Ryou went on to get ready for the trip. He put on his clothes….a nice black shirt with dark blue jeans. He put on an over shirt over the black tee and smiled. He'd leave it unbuttoned…(Another shirt over a tee..means another button up shirt Larger size over it. Well not really that big..) Anyways, within five minutes the boy was ready and heading for the door…grabbing some money on the way out. He closed to door, locked it with his extra key and left, making sure Bakura wasn't on his way home… The coast clear, he practically ran for the Café.

…Café…

" Ryou! You made it!"

Yugi's happy eyes caught sight of the little white haired boy. He was easy to spot anyways…. Ryou only nodded and smiled, walking up to the booth they all sat. and by they, he meant : Anzu, Yugi, Jou, and Honda. All of them took a while to recognize the white haired boy's presence.. . but eventually they did. _They all seem like they don't want me here. Look at them, pretending to like me. It makes me sick really. Why can't they just accept me for who I am?_

_Speaking of which..really…Do I think they can realize that I am in need of assistance…_

_No. Not really._

He smiled as Yugi scooted over to make room for him; the booth was amazingly able to fit all of them without any problem. He smiled and allowed the waitress to take the order, ordering something that wasn't all that expensive. A small cup of coffee, straight. Everyone stared a bit but said nothing else. When the girl left, Anzu shuddered and looked at Ryou. "How can you drink that stuff?" He just shrugged in reply. He never really did know. He just …liked the taste is all.

Soon the booth began to fill with chatter, mindless chatter about nothing really important. Like when some show was supposed to be on…such stuff like that. He really didn't care for any of that. He wanted someone intelligent to talk to for once…plus he kind wondered where Yami was… Yugi musta lost him somewhere…

"Ryou, you okay?"

_Not really. I wonder if Bakura will be coming home tonight…then again, he wouldn't want to miss his appointment with blood. I wonder if any of these people will care that I am gone. No. They don't even care now. I don't even care about myself…what have I now?_

"Ryou…?" Yugi called once more. His amethyst eyes glittered with some worry. When the brown eyed boy turned at his name, Yugi caught the lifeless tone and sorrow entrapped in his eyes. Then as if it was nothing, the look faded like a ghost. It sent Yugi chills.

"Yes Yugi-chan?"

"N..N-nothing Ryou. Forget it."

A'N: And that's it for now. I'm getting paranoid the power will turn off any minute now, So I'll finish up the chapter later on, alright? Well I'll continue this scene later. Like in another chapter. Yeaa…Well, send me reviews please and such and thanks for reading this far! -- Ryou Marik


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: Hey there people. It's me once more, here to report to you the newest chapter in the Bloodiest Rose series. Heh, anyway, I hope you like it, I just came up with it. Aye, if you don't I already apologize for whatever and such. Well then, it's time to go on with the story of Ryou.

--

Yugi thought about his friend's expression just the other second. Ryou seemed to be in trouble, but it had passed over so quick. Was Yugi just imagining it all? He may have just conjured the thought up… his mind may be playing tricks on him. He wondered if Ryou was in trouble, maybe some unspeakable trouble, one that he couldn't easily talk about? Then again, any trouble was bad. The little short stack thought for more moments as his friends continued to go on about something at the arcade.

Ryou

Ryou blinked as he listened to all the mindless babble going on. Anzu was talking about some dress that was "to die for", Jou was talking about an arcade game, and Honda was arguing with him. With a silent sigh the young white haired boy looked down at his coffee. He had drunk about half the cup and he was studying the way his coffee moved every time Jou slammed his fist into the table. _Why did I even come out here again? To buy a radio? Or to hang out with these mindless Neanderthals and listen to them talk about nothing… oy, but then again I needed to get out of that forsaken house. I was starting to go crazy…_

"Ryou!"

Anzu growled as she upped her voice. No one seemed to be paying attention to her! (Oy, as if anyone willingly WOULD) She needed someone to talk to.. and Ryou wasn't doing anything. The boy she called unto looked up at her and smiled, tilting his head cutely. "Yes Anzu-chan?" _Finally! Someone pays attention! _She smiled inwardly and began her mindless ramble on that dress she saw, the one that she had no hope of getting. She talked about how many combinations she could come up with in her wardrobe to match the dress…then somehow got off subject and began a rather long talk about her favorite ice cream… and dessert.

Ryou twitched. He just didn't understand… _How…can…**anyone** talk… this.. long! _He silently wondered, watching her mouth move. It just never stopped... Why wasn't she smart? Why the hell didn't she listen! WHY DIDN'T SHE SHUT UP! Ryou pricked himself with his fingernail to keep awake as he zoned out and wondered why he came out again. He pondered the thought of just getting up and just walking away. No one would care, with his luck Anzu would just keep talking, like he was still there. Already in the beginning of this entire episode Jou and Honda had shown they didn't want the little nuisance. The only one Ryou could imagine even wondering what happened was Yugi… and he seemed to be in his little world. Maybe going back to the house wasn't such a bad idea... Either that or just leaving and going somewhere else. Like a mall or something. Right now, one of Bakura's beatings looked better than Anzu's talking. The youth twitched once more and listened some more. He'd more than likely leave. Soon... really soon. He'd die if he'd listen to more of this...

-- Fifteen Minutes Later--

Anzu blinked in surprise as the boy she had chosen as her prisoner suddenly stood up, grabbed a few dollars from his pocket, handed them to Jou and turned towards the door. "I just remembered something." Was the only excuse or explanation he gave as he strode on out the door in a hurry.

Ryou smiled and walked as fast as he would allow himself to get away. He needed fresher air, a better scene, maybe some isolation. But he found himself never wanting to hear the words "dress", "Cute", and "ice cream" ever again.


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: Hey there my loyal fans! I know I haven't been writing as much as you'd like, much less updating! Sorry, but I don't have any internet at my house, so I have to make trips to the library and then…well you know how it goes. Bleh, well I don't like Anzu if you haven't guessed by now! I love exclamation marks! Damn school is coming up soon, but I'll have internet there so expect more updates. Well then, I guess I'll go off and right more for you dirty little scavengers. Ja'ne!

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Damn Anzu…

Ryou walked towards no destination…hell, he wasn't usually so impulsive, but he was so happy he made that decision to leave… She just wouldn't stop talking. Glancing around the young boy could see a few girls trying hard to not stare at him, and that made him happy to think that some girls still enjoyed his presence. ( a/n: he's " God's gift to the world!")

_Is that Bakura! No it's not…I thought it was, and if it was then I would have been hurt twice as much as usual. But I do wonder where he goes during the days…Damn it, no! I don't care, I don't care about him. _"What the fuck is wrong with me!" He spoke unbeknownst to himself… a young mother stared at him and frowned, grabbing her child and rushing away. _Come on lady, he's going to hear it sooner or later! Oh damn, Bakura's personality rubbed off on me…_ That really was creepy…but then, if you live with someone you do pick up some habits of theirs… Ryou chuckled slightly when he thought of what Bakura had picked up from him. Actual mannerisms? Hm, or did he just get stronger by beating the poor boy?

There truly was nothing to do in this lame city. Well, there was nothing to do when you were by yourself anyways. _I hope they get it…I mean…but then again, what have I to live for? My father may as well be dead to me…just like my mother and my sister. Bakura just uses me as a toy to screw with. My so called friends don't care about me, if they did one of them would have asked and followed me or something. I don't know much. I am just a kid but I have nothing else to live for._

Ryou turned to corner to the city park. A girl was sitting on the closest bench, so Ryou proceeded to walk over to the bench overlooking the pond with the ducks. No one noticed him at all, just some ducks that he had approached and startled. He eventually got to the bench and took a seat, staring out on the pond bored as hell.

_If I died…mother, if I died, I would be with you and Amane. Why did you have to go mother? Why did you leave your son and your husband, but take your daughter? I still need you mother…father doesn't care about me and denies me. I've heard him when he talks to his friends. He tells them he has no son, that I died with my mother and sister. Mother…where are you now? Are you watching me up there in heaven? Can you see how weak I've gotten in your absence? Mother, I can sometimes still smell your perfume on the air…I can still hear you calling me and Amane to eat. You never gave me my birthday present you know that? I don't care, but the perfect gift would be you and Amane. Mommy, I thought this pain would go away after some time! Mommy, please come back, I need you back, I miss you…_

_Amane, I know I made it seem as though I didn't like you. I loved you as a sister and always enjoyed your presence. I never thought I'd lose my sister, but I did. I remember when you begged me to go outside and get the cat because you were afraid. I remember all the times you ran to me when you were scared or when you wanted to show me some thing. Sister, remember the day that the cat died? You cried forever until I came in your room and told you things would be alright. I promised you I wouldn't let anything happen to you, but now look. I let you die. You should be alive right now, not me. What I wouldn't give to see you both again, or to hear your voice asking me to help you with something…Sister…Mother…Don't leave me behind, I miss you so much…_

Ryou hung his head low and allowed his white locks of hair to conceal his face. He was ashamed. (a/n I don't know anything about when Amane and their mother died…so…meh!) He could feel a few tears coming to his eyes, but he tried his best to stop them. He didn't need to cry right now and get a headache.

Suddenly Ryou's pant leg was attacked by something…He didn't bother to even look because he suspected a duck haggling him for bread or something. (a/n a duckie attacking legs for food? I can imagine Ryou being chased by a huge flock of ducks for food or something… his hair kinda looks like bread!) "Brother…play with me please! You look so sad brother…is something wrong? Did I do something? I'm sorry brother Ryou…"

_That voice…! _Ryou immediately picked up his head and saw…nothing in front of him. He groaned and looked down at the floor…and there lay a pretty yellow sunflower. _I could've sworn she was here…huh? A sunflower…but that's Amane's favorite flower…But how…_

"Ryou! You're going to catch a cold if you don't cover up. You know I always worry about you… Are you okay? You look ill…I told you sitting out in the cold would get you sick! Come on Ryou, you've got to take better care of yourself, I'm not always going to be around."

_Mother! Where are you? Why can't I see you? Amane? Where are you, please take me with you… _

But as much as the boy looked, he could not find his mother or sister. He let his tears fall and cried out for them both, ignoring the stares he got.

_Mother…Amane…please take me too…_


	13. Chapter 13

A/N: Hi again, I'm back! I'm kind of glad that BR has gone this far…thanks to all the reviewers and sorry I can't reply to any of them… My head hurts right now but I have nothing else to do but finish writing. Well, enjoy this chapter as it brings you closer to the inevitable end.

Don't own Yugioh! Or any of it's amazing characters, nor do I own The Eagles and their song Desperado. All that I own is this story.

--+--

_What had happened to me? Did I hallucinate and imagine them? Am I going crazy… I could have sworn I heard them just right here… Amane, Mother…_

Ryou blinked and glanced around uneasily. There seemed to be no one else enjoying the park's beauty…like he had scared all the people off. He sighed unhappily and stood up, shaking off the laziness he had built up. The ducks near him quacked and ran away, a few feathers floating behind them. _I wonder what time it is…by the looks of it, it must be late afternoon. I didn't think that I had stayed here that long, but I guess letting your mind wander takes up time. A lot of time. Hm… I wonder where Yugi and the others went off to… and I still need to buy that damned radio I set off to get in the first place. _Ryou growled and stretch again to wake himself up. He turned in the direction of the local store and headed off. He didn't want to stay out later than he had to; he feared what Bakura might do to him if he was late for an "appointment".

The afternoon sun didn't seem to be as unforgiving as many people would make it out to be. He walked calmly down the cement path out of the park with his hair still somewhat covering his face. Getting annoyed with this the boy threw back his head and tried hard to get the locks of hair tamed. Once satisfied with the way his hair stayed in place, he continued on with his journey to the local drugstore or something. He didn't much feel like being around people anymore. The ducks and geese around the pond quacked as he left, returning to their resting spot near the bench he sat at. _Sorry to have gotten in your way…_

All around him people were enjoying the day with others. They laughed, they joked, they played around. Everyone seemed to be having such good time. Everyone but the pale skinned boy Ryou. He felt like such a stranger in this world because everywhere he went people gave him strange stares and whispered amongst themselves. How he wanted to feel like he belonged, like he was meant to be alive. Was this his punishment for allowing his mother and sister to die? His punishment for not being there when he was needed?

"_**Your prison is walking through this world all alone. Don't your feet get cold in the winter time, the sky won't snow and the sun won't shine…it's hard to tell your night time from your day…you are losing all your highs and lows, ain't it funny how the feeling goes away? Desperado why don't you come to your senses? Come down from your fences, open the gate? It may be raining, but there's a rainbow above you, you better let somebody love you….before it's too late…" **_

Ryou listened to the string of American music floating around and chuckled. (Yes, apparently they translated the Eagles' classic Desperado into Japanese!) Right about now, it sort of suited him. Yet, it didn't in a manner. Oh well, fifty- fifty then.

_I'm a stranger. A stranger to people, a stranger to myself. Who am I?I lost me a long time ago…_

Even knowing this, Ryou pretended to smile and laugh. He had lost himself in a war waged between his mind and his emotions…he guessed he had surrendered himself and allowed his emotions to take over. He wished so much he had not let that happen…he knew deep down inside that he was supposed to be in control. He knew that he should help himself; that he should save himself. The only thing that stood in his path was the weird fact that he didn't help himself; as to why, he didn't know.

Taking a glance around the area he had apparently entered, he smiled and sighted the small mini mall thing right around the next group of people. Those damn people who condemned him when he was just an innocent little boy. Of course he didn't blame them. No one could blame them…it was kind of rude to do so. He could only place the blame upon himself, and in doing so he would then mutilate as a way to get the pain out of him.

Ryou's eyes fogged over when he thought of the knife… the blood…the pain. He growled and shook his head. That wouldn't be dealt with right now… It was a secret to his heart to keep.

When he crossed paths with the crowd of people…he felt a wandering aura that kind of scared him. He shook it off and glanced at the faces of the normal teenagers. They laughed and laughed and spoke normally. The instance he passed by, the teens stopped talking and stared at the pale youth…he felt their eyes examine his every movement like vultures eyeing a decaying carcass. The instant seemed like an hour but he got through it and opened the door of the drugstore hastily so as to get away from their leering eyes.

---

A/N: Sorry I have to end it there. I'll update it again soon my pretties! With Love, Ryou Marik! (I have no internet at home so I'm sorry if this is getting to you kind of late….yea, I'll get it back again soon, so have no fear! Thanks Jess for posting these chapters….)


	14. Blood

A/N: Hello once again…. Now I am letting you read chapter fourteen of BR. I don't know, I'm getting awfully happy that people actually like my nice story! Anyways, I'm doing another one of those mental chapters to really please some of my readers. Again, if you have any suggestions for my fanfic, please go ahead and tell me. Well, let's see… I don't remember what else I have to say, so go ahead and read/rate. Bye- Bye now!

Disclaimer: Don't own. Just this fanfic. Blah.

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The bloodiest rose lying upon the blackest coffin. The blood drips off the beautiful innocent petals and flows down the edges of the lid….

Ryou was always going to be the bloodiest rose. He was always going to be the one little flower with the maroon liquid trickling down the stem… no one would accept him. No one…. He has a one way ticket to his own little hell..

Why was this so hard for him? Ryou just wanted to be able to put away his knife. Was that asking too much? He wanted to know why he was one of those kids… one of those self hurting kids…it's not like he wanted to do this, but to him it was the only way to cope with everything he couldn't handle.

The blade tip would press against his pale white flesh and after a few seconds of teasing himself, he'd slowly and steadily pull the tip downwards… or really any which way he pleased. The feeling he would get as he felt the red essence ease itself out of him was hardly explanatory. It was like a release of built up pain or sorrow… he felt as if he was letting loose. Every time after he slit open (as many times as he'd like) little Ryou would stare at the blood flow that wouldn't stop. He would watch it slip off the side of his arms or where ever he chose to cut and accumulate on the floor. There have only been a few times where the youth has fainted on account of blood loss… no one asked any questions though…He vaguely remembered the few times when he was so upset with himself or something that he would take the knife in his hands and literally rip at his body over and over and over until he felt it was okay to stop- usually around twenty or more tears though. The pain was unbelievable, but that only made him smile.

Yes to you it may seem very … sadistic or what have you… but this was Ryou's life. He had to put up with himself everyday.

Sometimes the boy would let himself sink against a wall and stare at the newly bloodied knife he held in his stained hands. After glaring at the metal for a few minutes he would allow himself to shed a few tears… a few hot streaming tears…but usually those "few" turned into a flood. It was okay for the boy to cry, just as long as Bakura was not there to see him ease out those droplets, it was fine……. Well, wouldn't you cry?

He couldn't help himself.

He wanted to end everything, yet he was scared to….

Ryou was partially dead. He was just an animated corpse.

His heart was locked away, deep in his chest… no one would ever see…

Was this a dependency? Did Ryou have an addiction to cutting… was he just the same as any other druggie? Were Ryou's eyes so veiled over by the fear and detachment that he didn't realize what he had in front of him… didn't he see the people that surrounded him wanted to help… but then again, why would he see this when his beautiful russet eyes were almost always swollen or enveloped in the red blood his skin so held in… the very same skin he slit open to release the blood…

Would he find help before…

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A/N: Finally updated. Stupid computer was messing up and they (technicians) deleted all my files… I'm working on a laptop by the way… I'll try harder to get Fifteen out really soon. Bwahaha, you know my email address, email me some ideas. And would it kill ya to review? That'd be great. See ya when I see ya.


	15. Melody

A/N: Well, here we go once more. Wow, chapter fifteen already? I'm sorry for not.. Updating so fast as everyone would like; my stupid computer suffers through one mess up after another. Blah, well, what can you do but move on? Hmm… Time to start writing.

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The store was decorated pathetically. It had torn up and faded posters all over advertising so many different products, half of which were in the store itself. Ryou sighed and headed over to the area of the store that he knew so well. Not really, but even so…

The shopkeeper was a kind old man, one that Ryou had known. The old man glanced Ryou's way and smiled warmly, waving at the youth that was randomly shuffling through his stock of cheap radios. The boy's white hair was blocking his face, as usual.

"Good day Ryou-san…" The man's rickety old voice gently wafted over to Ryou's ears. Once called upon, Ryou looked over at the man and smiled. "Hello Hatake-san."

Hatake let out a small laugh and walked over to Ryou slowly. Once arrived he pointed to a red radio clock standing out on the shelf. "If you are looking for a nice clock, that one is the greatest one I have with a radio. That blue one and that black one are medium quality my boy." Ryou blinked as he set down the two radios he had in his hands and smiled once more. "I'm only searching for a nice radio to listen to at nights, you know… I don't have a life of my own!" The pale boy chuckled a bit at his own joke, trying to pass himself off as happy. Almost too easily, the old man accepted this. "Oh Ryou-san… you have a life somewhere in you… heh, but if it's quality you want at an affordable price, then you may want this little slugger right here. It's one of my favorites." Hatake pulled at a grey and black radio clock, one that was small and in a plainly decorated box.

Ryou blinked once more and took the white box from Hatake. He looked it over and read the functions of it over and over until he felt he had a good understanding. It was a pretty good deal: it was a radio with all the stations on it, it received a good signal, and it was cool looking. Of course there were a lot more functions and operations but none worth mentioning.

"Um thank you sir… I'll… go ahead and take it…"

Hatake smiled and started heading over to the cash register, waddling along. Ryou followed along behind him, offering help if he needed it.

Once at the register, Hatake checked out the small radio and waited for the sum total of money to come up. After it did come up, the small fragile body in front of the check out desk pulled out said number of money and paid the man in exact change. The radio was put in a white plastic bag and handed over to Ryou, who received it and smiled.

"Thank you Hatake-san…" His voice was quivering like a newly pulled bowstring. He just couldn't get it to stay still anymore… Hatake understood and only nodded his head. "You know Ryou-san… there is an opening for a new worker here… if you would my, you can start work with me. I do need a worker so bad…"

The youth holding the bag stopped and glanced at Hatake surprised. "Hatake-san, as much as I would enjoy it… I must decline." He gave no reason. He knew Bakura would murder him and would possibly blow up the area if he accepted. "I'm sorry.."

"Are you sure about that boy? Oh, shoot. Would you at least consider it? I'd really like you to be my new worker. Please promise you'll mull it over." Hatake was really persistent

"But…. Hm, alright sir. I'll think it over." Ryou didn't want to disappoint such an elder. He wanted to at least make him feel better; of course there was no way he'd actually be able to accept the job. Sadly.

"Oh thank you Ryou-san. I'll see you later, alright? Goodbye Come back anytime." Hatake smiled his famous smile and waved, turning around and heading into the back rooms. Ryou nodded and left the store, listening to the familiar ring of the old bell he had heard for so long.

It was out into the streets Ryou stepped, his white hair being blown back by the breeze passing. He breathed in the nice, crisp air and sighed. He knew he'd be struggling for breath if he didn't go home soon.

Speaking of… what time was it?

He glanced around… it had turned to late afternoon so quick! Ryou blinked and started heading for his home really quick; if he had taken any longer than normal, Bakura would know the boy was out past "curfew". Picking up his step, the pale boy headed out into a near jog. The white baggy was dangling on his arm and bouncing as he moved. He wouldn't be late for his home. He didn't want to get hurt. He wanted to be able to be home for Baku-

"Gah! No!" Ryou bit the inside of his cheek and broke out into a run.

_I don't care damnit! I just wanna go home to make sure this radio thing works, that's all!_

Ryou pathetically convinced himself that was the reason why he wanted to go home, yet still his mind lingered on Bakura. He sighed and kept his pace. Looking at the sun now, his other half would be home real soon, and more than likely expecting to see his hand servant waiting for him. Ryou shook his body to rid the creepy feeling and pressed onward, not stopping til he met the sight of his "cozy" home.

What wonders would await a little boy with skin so pale, like the newly fallen snow of the mind? Nothing but pain, of course.

The house was just a few feet away now. Ryou began slowing himself and eventually did stop right infront of the doorway, pulling at the knob and just eventually getting it open someway or another.When Ryou stepped into his home he felt an oddly strange chill rustle his bones, but ignoring that he quietly closed the door behind him and switched on a lamp. Seeing no one in the house gave him an odd comfort... Pale white wizard boy crept up the stairs with the radio in hand, fidgeting with the tape that held the box closed. Once he got in his cherished room, he shut the door and began setting it up.The clock was the perfect size, and so he found a spot and set it on his nightstand, plugging it in below his lamp.He reset the time and learned how to work the controls, smiling once he switched it to a small classical music station he had heard of. At the moment it was playing one of his favorite pieces, so he listened contented. (He also managed to figure it had a hole to place his head phones in... which was perfect considering whom he lived with.)

Little Ryou lay on his bed, staring up at the ceiling and humming along to the beautiful music drifting from the newly bought radio/clock. The music would be his friend... it would soothe his nerves and help his relax... until Bakura came home. Ryou sighed. Bakura... His almond eyes drank in the very sight (mental image) of his darker side. The pain inflicted, wounds torn open... blood shed... tears spilled...

Why should Ryou like him anyways!

Because he had to. Because he _wanted _to. Did he? Ryou lost himself in his thoughts blended with the melody of sweet music drifting into his ears...


	16. Shadows

A/N: Hmm… well let's see, time to start a new chapter. I'm sitting outside my school, in the freaking cold, wearing nothing but a skirt and a sleeveless shirt, with a thin and cheap old jacket. Didn't think it'd be this cold… -shivers.- I'm not cold damnit! Anyways, read on, and if it's something about the cold, don't be surprised.

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Ryou blinked as he woke up from an unnoticed nap he had taken. His bushel of white hair was messy and now a bit tangled, signaling the movements he had taken during the nap (tossing and turning, that sort of thing.) Blinking the boy shut off his music source, for it was still playing, and bolted out of bed to make sure his darker and sadistic self was back. Not to say he was eager of course… but… well, he just wanted to check it out!

Peeking through the now set crack in the doorway, he glanced around the area infront of him to see if Bakura was there. He wasn't. Stopping a cough, he opened the door a little more and stepped out into the hall, expecting to see Bakura waiting for him. He wasn't.

Cautiously, he began to take little steps toward the stairs, glancing nervously every which way. His coffee colored eyes were in dazes of confusion and fear… was paranoia a separate feeling from fear? He didn't think so… or … was it!

The area was given a creepy glow due to the darkness that was falling outside. Shadows played across the white walls, scaring the life out of our white haired boy. He had to regain his breath at least ten different times. Growling he cursed the black figures and hurried towards the stairs, not knowing there was one shadow that was tagging along.

"I wonder where he is…. He isn't usually this late… I don't think…" Blinking Ryou stood atop the stairs and gripped the railing out of habit. He glanced around nervously once more to make sure nothing was off to his sides. Behind him, meanwhile, a black figure formed itself solidly…

"Hmm.."

A small step was taken down the steps, Ryou's hair blocking his view of the other leverage down. He grumbled and pushed back the strand of hair. It was at times like these he absolutely hated his hair. The youth really didn't know why girls wanted hair like this…. It was annoying as hell. Shrugging unconsciously, the boy peered over the visible side of the railing to make sure Bakura wasn't sitting down all stalker like waiting for his prey to come out of hiding. Good thing he wasn't… or else that would have been scary. Very damned scary.

The silhouette behind Ryou danced along with his movements, only daring to get so close. The figure seemed to look remarkably like Ryou… yet not… And it still advanced on the little white mage, who was not aware of the presence.

A small smile could be seen forming on the lips of the silhouette.

Ryou blinked innocently and searched for the sadistic one of the two. He really just couldn't find him. At all. Where could he have gone now? Surely he could not have gotten too drunk and forgotten… and he couldn't have gone off with a few friends, considering he had none. So… where…. Maybe he was out sleeping with another call girl. Unlikely. He was smarter than that. Ryou _hoped _he was smarter than that.

_Great, now I'm going to worry about the half that I hate. I really … "hope" he's alright. If he got into an accident… no, he couldn't have. He's not that stupid… Then where is he? Maybe… hm…_

The shadow behind Ryou rose up a bit and got increasingly closer.

"Ba..ku…ra?" Ryou pronounced slowly, taking another step down. The outline behind him did so too. "Are you there? Where are you…"


	17. Whimper

A/N: Chapter 17… yes, it is now here. Ok people. Don't die on me. Heh. Anyways, I hope you enjoy this chapter and send some reviews? It's always fun to hear from my readers! Well, here we go.

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The little pale boy let his eyes wander around the room. He couldn't find Bakura… where was he? Strange… then again he could be playing one of his little games. Again… really, it wouldn't be the first time.

The dark outline finally decided to act.

It reached out and added enough force to it's touch to send Ryou tumbling down the stairs- violently. "I'm right here."

Ryou looked up at the new force to be identified as his dark light. Bakura stepped out of the shadows nonchalantly and grinned. He began advancing down the stairs to finish off the job he had started. Ryou meanwhile tried his best not to move or make any sudden movements. His eyes, unwillingly, grew in fright. How could he not sense that evil standing behind him? How…

Bakura reached the bottom of the stairs and took a step toward Ryou. He knew what he wanted to get out of his hikari… but he didn't know the proper way. Slow torture.. or just … hm… so many choices revolving in his sadistic little mind.

Ryou held his breath and felt as Bakura kneeled infront of him. "Are you afraid little one?" He sounded almost sincere, almost caring, and almost sugared. Except for the fact that there was a cruel smile lingering upon his lips. Ryou twitched and shook his head. Bakura paused for a moment and smiled more….. that just sent a chill up and down his hikari's spine."Well then... we can just fix that now can't we?" Bakura smiled "warmly" a bit more, and before Ryou could formulize the thoughts, a hand was swept across his pale little face. Yelping, the boy tried his hardest not to fall down once again; that would just leave him even more vulnerable. He instead felt a trickle of red blood begin its descent downward...

"C'mon little one... you don't bleed as much as you used to!" A strong hand grasped the tonsoles of white hair upon Ryou's head and yanked him up as Bakura got up. Once both were up, the dark one moved his hand down to Ryou's throat, where he tightened his grip only enough to make it a bit harder to breathe. Of course no lethal things yet.

Ryou shut his eyes and struggled to breath. He could in short and difficult breaths... was he feeling lightheaded already?

The yami smiled and calmly tossed his light into the nearest wall, causing the back of the light's head to bleed. The light yelped once more and fell to the floor, taking in sudden and happy lungfuls of breath. He didn't even mind the hurt in his head, so long as he could breathe...

Another quick blow was delivered, this time to Ryou's side ribs. He supressed his next little scream and doubled over on his side, trying feebly to protect it. This act only made Bakura laugh.

"You think you can protect yourself huh?" He sent another strong kick to the white mage's stomach. The hikari's eyes grew in pain, and blood started to drip out of his mouth. It didn't stop there at all... Bakura was only beginning... He grabbed Ryou and forced him up by the arm, then proceeded to throw him against the nearest wall. Ryou spit out a little more blood and looked weaker to his dark light. Bakura pressed himself against his hikari and grinned at the reaction it conjured. Ryou squirmed uncomfortably and whimpered...

The pale little rose could feel Bakura on him... could feel his warm breath burning the flesh on his neck...Ryou whimpered once more and clamped his eyes shut to blot out the image- but that didn't blot out his feeling. He could still feel Bakura on him... that made him so uncomfortable...

"Why are you so scared little one?"

Bakura's hot breath again. Damn, was it burning through his skin! Ryou whimpered once more.

Without any warning or hint, Bakura dropped and clamped his teeth deep into Ryou's tender neck. He tore open a wound and proceeded to make sure it bruised; a sinister type of lovebite. Ryou gaped and immediately grit his teeth together, wishing he could focus on something else. This torture was too much...

Almost as soon as it began, the bite was over. Bakura retracted his head and grinned, wiping the blood of his light off his chin and lips. Ryou opened his eyes uneasily and in time to see his dark licking at the collected red essence dripping off his fingers.

"That'll do for now."

With that last sentence, Bakura turned and calmly headed up the stairs and into his designated room. Ryou was left to crumble to the floor and recall the emotions and events that had just taken place.


	18. Forgot

A/N: Ahem, I'm sorry for such a long wait! Computer has been getting itself into trouble and Ryou wanted a break from getting molested by Bakura. Gotta make them fictional characters happy or else they won't work fer ya! ... Anyways, I'll be updating a lot now that I've got most of my problems sorted out (eh, for the MOST part) and you'll be happy. If anyone still sits around desperately clinging to their computer monitors asking it when this story will be updated, wait no longer!

Well then, shall we continue down this blood stained path? I think we shall.

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Ryou blinked and returned to his normal state of mind, you know, after gathering whatever remained of his pretty sanity.

He shook his head lightly as if to ward off some disturbing thoughts. For a second the little innocent boy couldn't remember what had just happened. Alas, but the boy didn't know that what he thought had -just- occurred actually took place more than an hour ago. What a shock he would have when his pretty coffee colored eyes laid themselves on the nearest clock...

Pulling himself up off the comfortable floor, Ryou stretched out his legs to reawaken them. He knew he couldn't walk just yet (or else he'd wind up face first on the floor) and he had retained at least some common sense. One minute passed and Ryou felt it was safe to attempt to move away from the spot in the cozy room he had made home. Shuffling out of the said room, the youth ducked into the kitchen hoping to hell he had managed to avoid Bakura. Well yes... he was "hoping" he had avoided him.

This was most likely one of the first times he had really felt hungry in a long time. Ryou couldn't explain it. His stomach just twisted and churned, growling for some sort of sustenance. He couldn't deny himself food any longer for fear he'd wither away.

_Food, food, food... what to eat... wow, never thought I'd see this day again. Bakura Ryou is actually hungry! And is actually searching for something to eat! Now, what to eat? A sandwich? Well, it would have to be something kind of light. Hmm... not really, it is still very early so I can eat plenty right now and just sleep it off. Feh, who knows when I'll be hungry again. It is only – 12:34 in the morning! Did I just magically doze off or something! I should be in bed! How long was I out for? I thought it was just a damned minute but obviously not... wait, I don't have to go to sleep so soon. I doubt I'm even going to go to school tomorrow. But 12: 34!_

Unconsciously, the white haired mage was gripping the side of the kitchen counter as if for "dear" life. His thoughts wandered from there, almost completely eradicating his want for food. Without even realizing it, the boy reached over to the second drawer on his right. His hand tightened itself on the black knob as it pulled the drawer out. The container was filled with sharp cooking knives.

_I have too much to worry about! Where did Bakura go if I've been out for so long? Do I even want to eat anymore? What's wrong with me?_

His eyes shut themselves as he concentrated. His mind was still trying to remember what had taken place earlier, as well as trying to recover the want for food. While still thinking, his right hand found the handle of a fairly large knife. The utensil was drawn out slowly and held in his grip tightly.

It wasn't until Ryou felt a sharp pricking pain in his right thumb that he bothered to tear himself away from the thoughts forming themselves in his mind. Glancing down at the flaring pain he blinked as his mind registered the now bleeding thumb and the knife.

"Where the hell did that come from..."

Allowing the sharpened metal to drop to the counter, he examined the newly opened cut on his thumb. It was not deep at all; the only thing bad was that it was bleeding a bit. Just a little bit... you know, the throbbing pain and blood dripping everywhere. That's about it.

Ryou sighed as he finally decided to help himself out by bandaging the thumb. The damn thing was reminding him of the past... of the knives, of the thoughts...

He randomly stuck his damaged thumb into his mouth. Hey, right now the boy wasn't in the correct mindset... he was really confused and he fetl really, really weird. Hell, the youth couldn't even remember what happened earlier!

Sucking on the red sustenance that came from within the appendage, Ryou's little mind flew off on random thoughts. They basically came in spasms, never staying long enough for the boy to get a real analysis.

Blood. Knives tearing pale flesh.

Screams. White haired wizard holding his head.

Friends. The useless vessels who never cared.

Withering. A white rose falling apart.

Questions. Swirling around with no answer.

Suicide. Should he do it?

Help. What Ryou needed.

Death. An appealing path.

Insanity. An edge he was closer to each day.

As these things approached and fled, the boy would sigh and feel himself getting progressively worse. Not in the physical sense where he would feel sick or something, but more along the lines of the mental, twisted sense. He didn't understand why he felt like that right now; he had a sneaking suspicion that it could be because of the random little spasms.

He took one small nibble on the thumb in his mouth and grumbled something under his breath. He was off on his own train of thoughts yet again.

"Well, I told myself... right? Or should I just go on and get it over with? It's not like Bakura would really get angry or show any emotion. Hmm... the most he'll do is get angry at me for leaving my dead corpse on the floor with a pool of blood; he'd have to clean it all up. I wouldn't mind getting on his nerve..."

Unknowingly the white haired boy dragged himself out of the kitchen and up the quiet stairs. He was still sucking on his now raisin like thumb.

When the boy took the time to survey his surroundings he was sitting upright on his bed with the favored knife sitting beside him warmly. Twitching, Ryou glanced around the area to make sure nothing was amiss or disturbed. Feeling something leathery in his mouth he blinked and remembered the thumb... embarrassed in the smallest way he popped the part of his limb out of his mouth, taking another look around to make sure no one saw that. He could just hear the fangirls now. All of them squealing because they just found out that their little white haired prince was found sucking on his thumb. Knowing those crazed little girls, they had to have cameras somewhere...

Snapping back to attention was kind of hard, and once he was satisfied with himself the boy fell flat on his back to think. He was sure his thumb had mended itself nicely (maybe because he most likely spent an hour or two helping it along). He wasn't so sure however if his heart had healed itself over the years though; unlike his thumb it, his heart had no one or nothing to help it heal. Suicide was still heavily weighing him down and slothed it's way across his thoughts. Was it just some burden or was it a way out?

Settling down and making himself nice and comfortable, the emo little boy set out on his own thinking quest. He smirked when he thought this quest would help him decide whether or not to end his insignificant life or to hang in there.

He had nothing left. Why would he want to stay? There was still something there for him though, even if he didn't open his eyes and see.

A?N: End for now! I'll update when I finish chapter 19. Sorry for the wait my little fans, and the end will be cool... hopefully. See ya!

-Ryou Marik.


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